Just when I thought I had a fucked up childhood..

People seriously scare me.
At what point did he decide to do this?

I have the worst luck..

ok, so I know I haven't posted in awhile but I am a busy bee.
Between shitty diapers and my sleepless nights, I still have a crappy job to go to each day.

I don't know what i did, and at what point in my life it was decided I would just have shitty luck, but it happened. I think I have had one consistant job after another that I hate. Maybe hate is a understatement, more like hang myself each morning while getting prepared to head into work.

I have had 1 job I enjoyed going to since living in Arizona. (yes Cindy, it was with you)
I think back to my great job at Intuit and I wonder if me leaving that awesome job if i had cursed myself for the rest of my life.

Lets recap my employment history in AZ:

-The crazy rug guy. Came into work yelling and drunk, argued with wife in front me, napped on the rugs and called me a whore.
- Marketing agency I had no real job function, but I sure looked pretty sitting there all day.
- Crazy sports guy, plotted to fire me and then acted shocked when i started avoiding him. Why are men so stupid?
- Property manager job : the owner was a complusive liar and cheap bastard.
- current job: my boss makes my life hell


I know you all envy me, but there can only be one person as lucky as me...

Radioactive

soooo ummm I am radioactive.
It sounds weird, but its true. I finally had to resolve my thyroid issue (i got it from being pregnant) after I switched to every medication option available with no luck.
I had the choice, either cut my throat open and pray I live through surgery ORRR be radioactive for 3 days and kill that fucker.

I had to check in 2 hours before the "pill" even arrived. Once it arrived it was in this luck sack looking bag with a bottle sitting securely in the middle. The doctor instructed me to lift the cap and take the pill without touching it. When i proceeded to lift the cap I couldn't lift it up. I was like "is this some sort of trick bottle?" The doctor laughed and said you gotta put a little emhhhh in it.
So I tried again, that fucker must have weight 30 pounds, that's when i got nervous.
I had to wonder, something that needs this heavy of a cap to secure the pill from getting lose..is it safe?
So i did the natural thing..and hestitated. The doctor said, and I swear.."come on girl, just take the pill; it won't bite ya!"

So took the capsule..and was immediately escorted out the back door. I am radioactive and must remain 5 ft from any adult and 20 ft from any child under the age of 4, for 3 days.

To be extra safe I got a hotel room. ummm an interesting one at that. Its sort of the in the middle of all these office buildings and the staff looks like a charcter from The Adams Family.
The room is questionable. I am assuming they have a cleaning staff - but can't be certain. My fridge stinks of 10 day old chinese food and the "deluxe king bed" is a fold away bed.

Within 2 minutes of being in the room I realized I had to stay 3 whole days here and I panicked. Hotels.com should mandate that pictures are updated monthly.

The good news is I am not glowing green, the bad news...I am not superhuman.

I feel robbed.

Everyone annoys me

I am having one of those days where everyone is annoying the shit out of me.
Everyone is in a funk and is asking the most lame questions it makes me want to hang myself from the AC vent in my office.

"Oh, is that yellow?"
-Does it LOOK like yellow? OBVIOUSLY SO...otherwise you wouldn't have even asked.
"It's Friday right?"
-I don't know asshole, look at the calendar hanging above your computer. May lead you in the right direction.
"Did you drive your car into work today?"
-No I crawled. I thought it might inspire Stone to do the same. WTF kind of question is that? How about can I get a ride to happy hour. Did you drive your car? They posed the question as if I normally do not have my car, which has never been the case.
"The light (next to the drop if water on the coffee machine) is blinking and it won't work, do you think its broken?"
-OMG some please shoot me. Are you f* me? Where is the hidden camera? This can't be real. That is what the BIG GREEN LIGHT IS that is in the shape of a drop of water.

I know I am not a patient person, and anyone who knows me should understand that at this point. With some people, its not sinking in.

Maybe someone will ask me if that is hair on my head or if those are shoes on my feet. Kids, finish school..

Dear Target Corporation,

I am writing you in response to my recent visit to your Phoenix store.
I consider myself a Target fan. I enjoy purchasing most of my household items and a few other items when I make my weekly trip to your lovely store.
I was at your store Saturday (day before Easter) and it was packed. The Easter aisle was scary, I didn't dare enter, not even for my Peeps.

I breezed through and grabbed what I needed and rushed to the check out stand. I had about 7 items so the express lane seemed like the natural place for me. Waiting at the register was a VERY friendly employee. She asked me how my day was and then....she commented on EVERY item I purchased as she scanned them. You would think being in the EXPRESS lane that I would be out quickly. NOT with "Rose" working the register. Rose had bought the toilet paper i was purchasing to save some money with gas prices being what they are and all. But Rose and her husband John found it not to be as soft and Angel Soft. So she went through the rolls they had and then switched back to Angel Soft. Rose also felt that I should have gotten the Spring Breeze Windex instead of the good old fashion blue. It has this nice light scent that doesn't over power the room and really compliments the weather we are having right now. Rose also wanted to know how my son was enjoy the heat. Cause when it gets hot, John, Rose's husband gets cranky. They are from New York so they are not used to this hot weather yet. They moved out here about a year ago to help her daughter out with their grand kids. Her daughter is newly divorced and having a hard time dating out here cause no one wants to commit these days. She married when she was 19 and couldn't be happier.

When I saw your sign "EXPRESS LANE" i was under the impression that I would be EXPRESSLY checked out. Now I know its company policy to ask the customer to sign up for a Target card. Which I get, its business right? I know that as a company the cashier is to tell you how much you would save if you signed up. Rose, going that extra mile. Decided to break down how much EACH item would cost if I got a Target card. Trust me, 42 cent gum sounds lovely..but I was in a hurry. Being that Rose and I have become girlfriends in this process, I really NEEDED TO GO!


I finally paid, which stupid me, used my credit card. Did you know when Rose was my age they didn't have credit cards? Everyone paid cash for things they needed. Nowadays kids use credit cards even at vending machines. Its just silly how no one uses cash these days.

Do you see where I am going with this? I am sure you are wondering do I want Rose fired or transferred to another store not near my home. No, not at all. I simply want Rose to be put in a position perhaps in the back. Unloading shipment or maybe at a different register where it does not say EXPRESS LANE.

Sincerely,
Jordana

The most hated girl in the office..

"Do you find that most women do not like you in the work place?"

I was asked that today. I didn't realize I wasn't liked by women, but according to my boss, its a problem i have.
You see I was just confused on why one of my female co-workers is such a nasty !@$#^ everytime I ask a question - I guess its cause I am hated.

When I was skinny I could maybe understand why this certain moose I worked with hated me, but now that I have more cushion for the pushin'...I am lost.

My boss kindly explained to me that I am "threatening" to this person because I am "young, pretty, married and have a child" oh wait and I actually do work. All things this person is not and does not have. For a moment I felt sad for this person. Then I snapped out of it when I realized I am SO nice to this person because she is such a grump ass, that she has no REALY reason to be such a !@#$^ all the time.

Apparently being young and smart gets you to be hated at the work place. Do I get some sort of placque for this? A reserved parking space? perhaps a nifty button to flaunt around the office?

oh Kristy Jo...it was your time to go.

Good afternoon my ROL 2 hommies.
So finally that cry baby psycho bitch is gone.
You know the funny thing about Miss Kristy Jo is - that at first she seemed normal was actually my fav on the show. But in a matter of 2 episodes she got to be a little bit of crazy. I have no idea how all that make up stayed on through all that crying...

I think Amber is my new fav girl and should be the one to continue to stay in the house and rock Bret Michael's world.

But can someone please explain the following:

- has it been confirmed that Bret wears a wig? I must say when he was making out with Megan it was pretty obvious.
- how much eyeliner do you think that whole house goes through a week?
- Destiny's hair line...Is she going bald? Wearing a wig? Her shirts tend to worry me, it looks like she can't even breathe in them.
- Daisy..can she please OPEN her eyes when she speaks? and why does she do duck lips when she talks?
- Megan-- please never leave us..you make me happy when you speak.
- Jessica..is she is dumb as she seems?

I think this SNL video says it all.