People will buy anything

I must say - I was shocked to find that people actually buy Paula Abdul's crap necklaces on QVC, but this...takes the cake.

Why would ANYONE need this?? I mean seriously? Is your mouth that lazy it needs a work out?

Maybe my pinkie should do jumping jacks all day. Who thinks of this shit and who buys it and thinks "wow, I really need this." Or better yet.."Happy birthday honey!"

I just don't get it...men I am sure you will get excited when you see this, but don't. It doesn't do what you think it does.

Revenge is sweet. Jimmy -1 / Sarah - 0

Office ASS

There are two kinds of Office ASS...

The guy/girl you can NOT stand and seriously make your skin crawl
What happens to your girlish figure after sitting on your ass all day


I have both.
Why invite someone to a meeting if you are going to talk over them and shut down anything they have to say?? Why do I even bother showing up when you speak enough for the both of us?
Oh wait that's right, cause a contract that was signed BEFORE I was even hired is somehow my fault? Super, duper...

WTF!!!
My ass is seriously expanding as I type. I am supposed to be losing weight not getting fatter. It’s so hard to resist the daily temptations that float around an office all day. M&M's on people's desks, snacks in the break room, free soda, and catered lunches. Ughhh I need to work somewhere that supports eating disorders.
When I say muffin top I am NOT referring to the Seinfeld episode where Kramer wants to open a bakery just selling muffin top. It’s my fat, flabby, gross stomach!! ughhh

So all you bakers, stop baking. My ass can no longer handle it. Please don't bring the candy into the office so you don't eat it. Drop it off at a shelter or something, just not here.

Lipo should be part of my benefit package.

do you ever feel...

like not dealing with the world?? Do you ever wake up and wish you could just hit snooze till the next day?

Today is one of those days. I have a headache the size China, I feel like i have muffin top, and i am have massive bags under my eyes. I look like i feel...crappy.

For the first time since i started my new job I have nothing to do. I am usually really busy and the day goes by super fast, not today. I am watching the clock waiting for 4:30 to hit.

Do you ever feel like telling people do it yourself, when they ask you to do shit that is not part of your job? There are times where its like the time and effort you just spent asking me that you could have done it yourself!! Move those legs...

Ok, now on to Rock of Love. WTF? Why are Payton and the girl with the mullet still there? They will never win. I hate when they corner him crying asking "do you have a connection with me?" Its been 5 FREAKIN DAYS!! Ladies, get ahold of yourself. His idea of a connection is seeing your tits pressed up againest a window.
And was he wearing purple eyeshadow last night?

shit, i gotta go back to pretending to work...

Happy Hallmark day!

Yippeee...
Another over hyped holiday that causes me to feel annoyed and fat.
Why I think i needed 3 bags of Valentine's day themed candy from Target..who knows.
Even more depressing - I started eating the candy in the store before even paying for it.

I typically don't make a big deal of V-day just cause I find overly lovey dovey crap annoying. I think first timers are the only one's who find this holiday necessary to celebrate. Men - they only do it to get laid and women just do it to one up their girlfriends.

I think my pot belly is making me cranky. Being back at a office gig has taken away from my efforts to be the next Mark-kate Olsen. I have no will power at all. A half eaten snickers could be on the ground and I would still try to find a way to figure out how i can eat it.

I know I have been totally slacking on my blog, I will try to improve and get some good shit up real quick like.

One last thing...how in the hell is Obama winning? WTF!! Damn!

Rock the Vote...my ass!!

Can someone explain to me why?

Voting polls are always in Churches?
The volunteers are always over 80 years old?
Why old people think their opinion matters?

So it’s Super Tuesday. I go to vote-yes at a church. This is fine whatever...but of course when I pull up all I see is these Romney signs out in front of the church. OK, so this is why that annoys me. I think the voting polls should stay neutral. Yeah I get it’s a church, and the odds are they will not be a Clinton supporter...but is it really necessary to have Romney signs everywhere? I didn't go in there wearing my "Hillary is my Homegirl" t-shirt..show some f* respect. Because you know some mindless housewife is going to see that sign on her way in and be like oh, "god must want Romney to win."

So I get in to the place and #1. It smells funny#2 the place is packed.
There are 4 old women (I mean on death bed old) working the "table" and some old guy with a cane directing the line. I seriously watched Stone grow up and graduate college while standing in that line. While in line every old republican in line insisted on blabbing about how they couldn't believe Obama was winning states. As much as I hate Oprah; what that bitch says goes....you don't mess with Oprah.

So it’s finally my turn. The lady with the blue hair asks for my ID and starts searching...and searching. I am still standing...and standing...ok WTF???

"Oh dear...I can't find you here. Are you sure you are at the right place?"
"yes!" My name is right there. (As I point at my name on the paper)

"John Barton?"
Do I look like a John to you??? I mean seriously???
How in the hell is anyone supposed to feel good about voting when it’s such an annoying experience.
I finally place my vote..and get the hell out of there.
As I am walking out the little old lady yells "Hey don't you want your sticker?"
"No, No thanks." I am going to go slit my wrists now..

of course!!

After all the running around and all the MONEY we spent creating a modern nursery...freakin Target has Dwell doing furniture and bedding for them.

Do you know how much that pisses me off? I hate to even say out loud how much we spent and then to see cute modern stuff at target for 1/3 of the price makes me sick! Where was this stuff 5 months ago?? WTF???? I am going to puke when I see someone sending out photos of their Dwell nursery, when their whole room was as much as my f'n crib!!!!!

When we went from store to store..all we heard is "people prefer traditional.." Looks like that is not the case anymore now is it?????

For once in my life, I hate target...

I am sorry!

I am sorry! I totally suck and have not updated my blog in awhile.
I have been overwhelmed with my life that I just have not had the time. I promise to get better next week when I have my life more together.
Not to mention I haven't had anything exciting happen to me lately.