Everyone annoys me

I am having one of those days where everyone is annoying the shit out of me.
Everyone is in a funk and is asking the most lame questions it makes me want to hang myself from the AC vent in my office.

"Oh, is that yellow?"
-Does it LOOK like yellow? OBVIOUSLY SO...otherwise you wouldn't have even asked.
"It's Friday right?"
-I don't know asshole, look at the calendar hanging above your computer. May lead you in the right direction.
"Did you drive your car into work today?"
-No I crawled. I thought it might inspire Stone to do the same. WTF kind of question is that? How about can I get a ride to happy hour. Did you drive your car? They posed the question as if I normally do not have my car, which has never been the case.
"The light (next to the drop if water on the coffee machine) is blinking and it won't work, do you think its broken?"
-OMG some please shoot me. Are you f* me? Where is the hidden camera? This can't be real. That is what the BIG GREEN LIGHT IS that is in the shape of a drop of water.

I know I am not a patient person, and anyone who knows me should understand that at this point. With some people, its not sinking in.

Maybe someone will ask me if that is hair on my head or if those are shoes on my feet. Kids, finish school..

Dear Target Corporation,

I am writing you in response to my recent visit to your Phoenix store.
I consider myself a Target fan. I enjoy purchasing most of my household items and a few other items when I make my weekly trip to your lovely store.
I was at your store Saturday (day before Easter) and it was packed. The Easter aisle was scary, I didn't dare enter, not even for my Peeps.

I breezed through and grabbed what I needed and rushed to the check out stand. I had about 7 items so the express lane seemed like the natural place for me. Waiting at the register was a VERY friendly employee. She asked me how my day was and then....she commented on EVERY item I purchased as she scanned them. You would think being in the EXPRESS lane that I would be out quickly. NOT with "Rose" working the register. Rose had bought the toilet paper i was purchasing to save some money with gas prices being what they are and all. But Rose and her husband John found it not to be as soft and Angel Soft. So she went through the rolls they had and then switched back to Angel Soft. Rose also felt that I should have gotten the Spring Breeze Windex instead of the good old fashion blue. It has this nice light scent that doesn't over power the room and really compliments the weather we are having right now. Rose also wanted to know how my son was enjoy the heat. Cause when it gets hot, John, Rose's husband gets cranky. They are from New York so they are not used to this hot weather yet. They moved out here about a year ago to help her daughter out with their grand kids. Her daughter is newly divorced and having a hard time dating out here cause no one wants to commit these days. She married when she was 19 and couldn't be happier.

When I saw your sign "EXPRESS LANE" i was under the impression that I would be EXPRESSLY checked out. Now I know its company policy to ask the customer to sign up for a Target card. Which I get, its business right? I know that as a company the cashier is to tell you how much you would save if you signed up. Rose, going that extra mile. Decided to break down how much EACH item would cost if I got a Target card. Trust me, 42 cent gum sounds lovely..but I was in a hurry. Being that Rose and I have become girlfriends in this process, I really NEEDED TO GO!


I finally paid, which stupid me, used my credit card. Did you know when Rose was my age they didn't have credit cards? Everyone paid cash for things they needed. Nowadays kids use credit cards even at vending machines. Its just silly how no one uses cash these days.

Do you see where I am going with this? I am sure you are wondering do I want Rose fired or transferred to another store not near my home. No, not at all. I simply want Rose to be put in a position perhaps in the back. Unloading shipment or maybe at a different register where it does not say EXPRESS LANE.

Sincerely,
Jordana

The most hated girl in the office..

"Do you find that most women do not like you in the work place?"

I was asked that today. I didn't realize I wasn't liked by women, but according to my boss, its a problem i have.
You see I was just confused on why one of my female co-workers is such a nasty !@$#^ everytime I ask a question - I guess its cause I am hated.

When I was skinny I could maybe understand why this certain moose I worked with hated me, but now that I have more cushion for the pushin'...I am lost.

My boss kindly explained to me that I am "threatening" to this person because I am "young, pretty, married and have a child" oh wait and I actually do work. All things this person is not and does not have. For a moment I felt sad for this person. Then I snapped out of it when I realized I am SO nice to this person because she is such a grump ass, that she has no REALY reason to be such a !@#$^ all the time.

Apparently being young and smart gets you to be hated at the work place. Do I get some sort of placque for this? A reserved parking space? perhaps a nifty button to flaunt around the office?

oh Kristy Jo...it was your time to go.

Good afternoon my ROL 2 hommies.
So finally that cry baby psycho bitch is gone.
You know the funny thing about Miss Kristy Jo is - that at first she seemed normal was actually my fav on the show. But in a matter of 2 episodes she got to be a little bit of crazy. I have no idea how all that make up stayed on through all that crying...

I think Amber is my new fav girl and should be the one to continue to stay in the house and rock Bret Michael's world.

But can someone please explain the following:

- has it been confirmed that Bret wears a wig? I must say when he was making out with Megan it was pretty obvious.
- how much eyeliner do you think that whole house goes through a week?
- Destiny's hair line...Is she going bald? Wearing a wig? Her shirts tend to worry me, it looks like she can't even breathe in them.
- Daisy..can she please OPEN her eyes when she speaks? and why does she do duck lips when she talks?
- Megan-- please never leave us..you make me happy when you speak.
- Jessica..is she is dumb as she seems?

I think this SNL video says it all.

Did you miss me?

So I noticed a slow down in my site traffic...I don't want to point any fingers...but its pretty shitty that you would stop reading my blog. I do put a lot of effort into my entries..and to be ignored. It hurts.

So let's catch up.
Project runway-
My #1 gay Christian won. Yay!!! I knew it all along-he was way too fierce not to win. I want Christian to be my friend but I think I would need to lose 50 pounds and learn to "walk for days." For my gays that read my blog, how do you pick up on a gay man to be your friend? Is there a secret code or something??
I think Christian and I could be fierce together...so fierce you would die.

My son-
Oh the peanut. He is 6 months today. He is a big boy, but not in a large overweight way, more in a studly and handsome way. He started on solids a few weeks back and seems to dig him some squash. Ummm so his poop...its been a 10 (if you aren't familiar with the poop rating system, 10 is beyond gross.) Its not that it is overly large and leaky..its that it is starting to look like grown up poop. More solid and like nuggets. For some reason its just gross to me to change my son with his poop looking like my own. It makes me feel like potty training should happen about the time solids does.

the nanny-

So we had to let our nanny go. I know it seems harsh..but for those of you wondering what could possibly get a nanny fired..I have included this list.

-smoking while walking child...(she is a non smoker of course, just when I am around.)
- Borrowing boss's clothes without permission
- Boyfriend threatening nanny's life and then stalking her at boss's home
- using boss's computer to look for new job
- not cleaning up after child throws spoon with food on it (why give a 6 month old food)
- text messaging boss to not make nanny drive to work if going to be fired because boyfriend who attacked nanny is nanny's first priority.
- Nanny allowing boyfriend to visit boss's home while watching child with no permission and actually being told boyfriend could NOT come over.
- Nanny yelling at boyfriend on phone while holding child.

After reading list would you believe nanny was shocked she was let go??? No to mention she is upset we didn't give her notice before firing her. Umm isn't that what being fired is???


So my new ad will read:

Looking for a nanny ASAP to watch 6 month old child.
- must not smoke in child's face
- must supply own clothing
- must look for new job on own time and computer
- must not be a dirty and crappy liar
- must not have controlling crazy boyfriend
- must not run personal errands with child
- must at least pretend to respect boss

you would think i wouldn't have a problem finding someone..

well bitches keep reading... I am watching you..