The constant cycle of piss and shit

Hello, hello, hello...

So the holidays are over and I am 5lbs heavier and more in debt than I was 2 months ago. With the holidays and new year, I think we all look at our lives and try to find ways to improve it. One area of my personal life that has become neglected is our beloved dog Lexi. Lexi, who was once known as "Sexy Lexi" has really let herself go. I would look at her and think, "god girl, why have you let yourself put on all that weight?" Oh wait, that's my fault...shit. Lexi came into our lives with a live in pal, Chubs. Once 4 became 5 and Stone joined the family, Chubs wasn't not feeling it. Out of love for Chubs and our child we had to find Chubs a new home. (which by the way he is a king in his new pad, so I think we did the right thing)

Of course once we found Chubs a new home we (being my husband and I) made the commitment to spend more time with Lexi, yada, yada, yada...
With life, work, being a parent, time quickly slips away and before you know it the clock has hit 10PM and the life has been sucked out of you. Over the last year Lexi has really lost her spunky overly chipper personality and has become an old lazy chubby mut. All our fault.

After feeling the pressure from our sitter who often watches Lexi for us, we decided to get another dog. Because puppy mills and breeders piss me off, I will ONLY adopt or rescue a mut in need. I quickly started searching through non profit rescues and looking at their inventory of little fuzzy friends that needed homes. Not sure if the holiday spirit got to everyone but there were NO dogs available at the golden or lab rescue. NOT to mention it is close to impossible to get anyone to call you back. After feeling frustrated and annoyed, I turned to Craigslist. I remembered when we took in an abandoned dog Rocky, we were able to find him a great home on craigslist. So I thought, maybe there is a Rocky out there for us? A few caught my eye, but I was really trying to resist the puppy route. Between Stone and my every day life, the last thing i wanted to do was pick up more shit all day. My husband however, wanted that cute fluffy puppy...

We found an adorable 12 week old little 1/2 boxer/ 1/2 German Sheapard and just fell in love. About 10 minutes after meeting her, we agreed there was no need to search any longer. Nevermind that fact that the owner was planning on dropping her at the humane society that week if she couldn't find her a home. In my eyes, we just rescued a dog from being placed in a cage and possibly never placed in a home.

Lucy was great!! She slept through the night, loved Lexi, was great with Stone...
Then it happened. The first shit dropped and it hasn't stopped sense. As my husband complains about having to pick up piss and shit and constantly having to take shoes out of her mouth. I kindly, with love of course, remind him that he was the one who wanted a puppy. I was perfectly fine with an adult dog.

As I was picking up a big steamy piece of dog shit by the sliding door which was open, it hit me, my life is a constant cycle of shit and piss.

losing my holiday mojo

Ok, so I know I dropped off there for a bit, and I am sorry.

My pain in the ass ex co-worker FINALLY left--however, it totally screwed me on the work front. I have double the work and double the annoying people I have to deal with daily, leaving me cranky and literally out of time to blog. Not to mention all of the holiday crazziness, I am emotionally drained and burnt out.

My child has decided that he no longer sleeps through the night. Getting up at 2AM screaming "Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mom" is the new hip to do for 2 year olds, apparently.

Other than my son sucking the life out of me every night, things have been good. Stone is growing up so fast, and becoming cuter by the day. We did he whole Santa is coming production this year. It was amazing how quickly he caught on and made the connection with Santa and presents. Next year I can only imagine will be even better.

With the holidays winding down and the New year quickly apporaching, I am losing my mojo. Or maybe it is the abundance of holiday sweaters I am forced to look at every flipping day around this joint. Can someone please explain to me how ANY one person can thing a sweather with shit hanging all off of it is fashionable? Does a 40-something old woman need a sweater with a Santa on it???? I mean really...I just don't get it...

I promise to get better about the blogging thing in the New Year. Be patient with me...

Updates

I realized I started to blog on 2 different topics, totally unrelated, and never followed up on either one of them.

My September 15th post, Get Lost Frizz
AND
I'm just shady like that (a classic tale)

First, an update on my Keratin treatment. I loved it! My after results were amazing. For those of you who are Facebook users, search Snapdragon Studio, in Phoenix and check out the before & after photos. The only bad news is, you cannot and should NOT ever use any products with SODIUM SULFATE in it. Super no, no. Well, I guess our friends at Bumble & Bumble reformulated their thickening spray, without telling anyone. Guess what new ingredient they added? Yes, the devil. So as much as I loved the treatment, I noticed it fading really fast. For the amount of money I paid, I expected a little more wear to come from this. I casually mentioned it to my hairdresser and she asked "do you have the Thickening spray or the Thickening Hairspray?" There's a difference? I went home and checked, and I had the "hairspray" version, which apparently is the new one with the sodium sulfate in it. I spent weeks being super careful and trying not to wash my hair unless needed to preserve my treatment, meanwhile I was stripping the treatment the entire time. Total bummer. Ladies, always check the bottle, even if you used it forever.

Now on to me, Miss "Shady", my nightmare co-worker has given her notice. (HOOOORRRAAYYY!) one less thing to deal with at work. I felt indifferent toward her for awhile, but then as she became more negative and bitchy (hard to imagine that is possible) I became more withdrawn and annoyed with her presence. I just couldn't wrap my head around how an adult could act this way and get away with it for 3 years. I just don't get it. I am glad she left before things got ugly. In addition to her stunt with me, she alienated the entire group here at work and made it pretty apparent that she was doing us all a favor by showing up. The only down fall is that I have to pick of the slack of her work. Which honestly, is better than dealing with her childish shit all day. I have feeling she will not be missed, and there will be no tears shed on her last day. I guess in the end, we all get what we deserve. Being "Shady" paid off after all.

Another one bites the dust

Let's recap last week...

Gordana, although she sports a super hot, fun and sexy name, she dresses her models like nuns going for a night out on the town. Seriously, who would wear this crap?
Want to go from super skinny to humpty dumpty? Where this shitty suit from the earlier 90's. Good job Gordana. Way to disgrace the name...

Christopher's dress looked like it took a shit all over the floor after eating a bag of marshmallows. I used to love him, but now I have ask myself how he continues to last in this competition. Do you think if Logan cried he would have stayed? Get a box of Kleenex and shut up you big baby!


Carol Hannah, although she has a total white trash name, and sometimes trailer park tendencies, she designed a super cute dress. It is perfect for all of those holiday parties coming up!

Ughhh this is the part I hate. Giving a total &^%$ any credit. Irina the school bully (aka bitch face)did a good design once again. (annoying!) I wish just one week the judges would say something negative to this %$#@. Her attitude reminds me very much of a certain someone I work with. Bitter, insecure, nasty, unprofessional and jaded.
Irina is not that cute to be acting the way she does. Big bug eyes and Bugs Bunny teeth. If you are going to be a total a*hole on TV, you better make sure you are something special. For those of you who care to see her design, look here.

Drum roll....the winning look is....
Althea obviously had me in mind when she created her little outfit. I would rock that all day long up and down the halls at work. Everyone loves a over sized sweater. Althea deserved to win. In typical Irina fashion (once again, reminds me of my co-worker) had to make sure everyone knew she was better by slamming Althea's design. Irina, no one is trying to copy you. Get over yourself!
Althea held herself together and did not fly across the stage and beat that bitch down, like she should have. Go Althea!

Ladies...and my gays..grasp yourself...this is the hard part...
Booooyfrrrieeeennddd Logan crashes and burns...
(For you straight men. Boyfriend is just like hey, that's boyfriend. You are cute, not great, but cute.)
Boooooyyyyyyyyffffrrrrrrieeeennnnnnddd is that you are super yummy and pleasing to the eyes. You have to drag the whole word out.

Logan, sweetie, what happened here? Let's be honest, you aren't the most talented designer. But could you have not done something better for us? I don't even know what this is supposed to be?
This is like Forever 21 $5 clearance rack. Could you not have racked that pretty little head of yours and pulled together something a little less Battle Star Galactica?
Sadness. You dug your own grave, and the judges just filled the hole.

My predictions: Christopher will be gone next week
Top 3, Althea, Bitch Face, & Carol Hannah

You are not the boss of me

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If life were a TV show

Do you ever watch a TV show and wish you could live in it? Be that one character?
I find myself obsessing when I watch Gossip Girl. I am so Blair, and minus those TINY mini skirts, I should have Serena's wardrobe.
I also find myself wishing in some weird way I lived in the show Greek. I missed out on that whole college experience, and something about spending all day prancing around 'campus' just seems young and fun. I am not sure that I would be much of the sorority type, but I do enjoy drinking--which I am pretty sure is one of the requirements.
The great thing about TV, is it gives you this false sense of what life really is like. Stay at home mommy's with 4 children, do not have washboard tummies or dress in Gucci on a Tuesday afternoon for soccer practice. But it would be nice to.
Desperate Housewives always tells me, it is ok to be divorced with kids. You will still live in a huge house and drive a Volvo with a rocking bod. No worries. Just let him go. B
Brothers & Sisters showed me that mom's bake and host dinner parties.
Ugly Betty--hey if you a receptionist you can afford wear designer clothing from head-to-toe. Shit, I need to get casted on a TV show. Maybe a reality show. Look at John and Kate. Being famous hasn't changed them.
hmmm what to call my show? I got it! The sad reality. Get it?
I kill myself.

Dear Satan,

It has been about 3 weeks since you have taken over my son's (Stone)body. I was just wondering how long you intend to stick around for? It's not that I mind the hitting, screaming, tanturms, resistance, crying and complete disregard of authority. It is just I miss my sweet little boy, and since you have moved in and destroyed his soul--mommy and daddy have lost theirs.

Maybe we can work out a deal? I have been really generous and have not charged you rent. Perhaps you can find another child to take over and we can call it even?
Sunday when we switched Stone's crib out to a toddler bed, I was really hoping you would work with us. Let him take a nap, sleep through the night--you know the basics.
Hey, I get it. Freedom is exciting. You can get in & out of that little box you used to be once confined to. The light switch is pretty entertaining, and of course the thrill of squeezing apple juice EVERY where is always liberating. But did you really have to force him to poop? That sort of sealed the deal that a nap was not happening.

Mommy and daddy are really struggling here. What can we do to get you to move out and return my baby's soul? You can keep mine, and I know Josh would be willing to sacrifice his. Work with me. There is a neighbor kid up the street that seems well behaved. Maybe you can teach his parents a lesson. What do ya say? It could be a fun Halloween surprise....????