Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
If life were a TV show
Do you ever watch a TV show and wish you could live in it? Be that one character?
I find myself obsessing when I watch Gossip Girl. I am so Blair, and minus those TINY mini skirts, I should have Serena's wardrobe.
I also find myself wishing in some weird way I lived in the show Greek. I missed out on that whole college experience, and something about spending all day prancing around 'campus' just seems young and fun. I am not sure that I would be much of the sorority type, but I do enjoy drinking--which I am pretty sure is one of the requirements.
The great thing about TV, is it gives you this false sense of what life really is like. Stay at home mommy's with 4 children, do not have washboard tummies or dress in Gucci on a Tuesday afternoon for soccer practice. But it would be nice to.
Desperate Housewives always tells me, it is ok to be divorced with kids. You will still live in a huge house and drive a Volvo with a rocking bod. No worries. Just let him go. B
Brothers & Sisters showed me that mom's bake and host dinner parties.
Ugly Betty--hey if you a receptionist you can afford wear designer clothing from head-to-toe. Shit, I need to get casted on a TV show. Maybe a reality show. Look at John and Kate. Being famous hasn't changed them.
hmmm what to call my show? I got it! The sad reality. Get it?
I kill myself.
I find myself obsessing when I watch Gossip Girl. I am so Blair, and minus those TINY mini skirts, I should have Serena's wardrobe.
I also find myself wishing in some weird way I lived in the show Greek. I missed out on that whole college experience, and something about spending all day prancing around 'campus' just seems young and fun. I am not sure that I would be much of the sorority type, but I do enjoy drinking--which I am pretty sure is one of the requirements.
The great thing about TV, is it gives you this false sense of what life really is like. Stay at home mommy's with 4 children, do not have washboard tummies or dress in Gucci on a Tuesday afternoon for soccer practice. But it would be nice to.
Desperate Housewives always tells me, it is ok to be divorced with kids. You will still live in a huge house and drive a Volvo with a rocking bod. No worries. Just let him go. B
Brothers & Sisters showed me that mom's bake and host dinner parties.
Ugly Betty--hey if you a receptionist you can afford wear designer clothing from head-to-toe. Shit, I need to get casted on a TV show. Maybe a reality show. Look at John and Kate. Being famous hasn't changed them.
hmmm what to call my show? I got it! The sad reality. Get it?
I kill myself.
Dear Satan,
It has been about 3 weeks since you have taken over my son's (Stone)body. I was just wondering how long you intend to stick around for? It's not that I mind the hitting, screaming, tanturms, resistance, crying and complete disregard of authority. It is just I miss my sweet little boy, and since you have moved in and destroyed his soul--mommy and daddy have lost theirs.
Maybe we can work out a deal? I have been really generous and have not charged you rent. Perhaps you can find another child to take over and we can call it even?
Sunday when we switched Stone's crib out to a toddler bed, I was really hoping you would work with us. Let him take a nap, sleep through the night--you know the basics.
Hey, I get it. Freedom is exciting. You can get in & out of that little box you used to be once confined to. The light switch is pretty entertaining, and of course the thrill of squeezing apple juice EVERY where is always liberating. But did you really have to force him to poop? That sort of sealed the deal that a nap was not happening.
Mommy and daddy are really struggling here. What can we do to get you to move out and return my baby's soul? You can keep mine, and I know Josh would be willing to sacrifice his. Work with me. There is a neighbor kid up the street that seems well behaved. Maybe you can teach his parents a lesson. What do ya say? It could be a fun Halloween surprise....????
Maybe we can work out a deal? I have been really generous and have not charged you rent. Perhaps you can find another child to take over and we can call it even?
Sunday when we switched Stone's crib out to a toddler bed, I was really hoping you would work with us. Let him take a nap, sleep through the night--you know the basics.
Hey, I get it. Freedom is exciting. You can get in & out of that little box you used to be once confined to. The light switch is pretty entertaining, and of course the thrill of squeezing apple juice EVERY where is always liberating. But did you really have to force him to poop? That sort of sealed the deal that a nap was not happening.
Mommy and daddy are really struggling here. What can we do to get you to move out and return my baby's soul? You can keep mine, and I know Josh would be willing to sacrifice his. Work with me. There is a neighbor kid up the street that seems well behaved. Maybe you can teach his parents a lesson. What do ya say? It could be a fun Halloween surprise....????
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Aww...to be 16 again
It was a Sunday night at the state fair. A little beer, lots of fried goodness, a good friend, and an old romance.
Stone Temple Pilots made their way through Phoenix Sunday. I must admit, I was taken back by the idea of them playing the State Fair. It is so beneath them, I couldn't rap my head around the idea of them playing such a low-class establishment, when we have funky venues, like the Celebrity Theatre around.
I instantly dragged my friend Shayna with me for a night of fun.
I was super excited to see them. I always loved them, and even went through a period of unhealthy obsession directed at Scott Weiland. I realized Sunday that I haven't moved on from that obsession, even at the seasoned age of 28. let's just say; no regrets on the 8th grade yearbook dedication "STP rules!"
There was no opening act, which I must say was refreshing. I hate being forced to sit through some washed up band playing some annoying ass song in the hopes that the band everyone really came to see would show up soon. Do you ever feel like the opening band in your life? Sometimes I do. I think, oh I know you don't want to deal with me, but the person you really want is tied up--so suck it up. Always second choice, or an afterthought. "What was her name again?" I would say being the opening band would sum up my daily work life.
Back to the show. Lights went out, music started, and there he was. Scott Weiland was sexy as ever, and I wanted to do things to him that would make Jenna Jamenson blush. God, how did I forget how hot he was? His crazy drunk guy dancing was even hot. How has he recycled through 2 wives? Beat me, cheat on me, go to rehab--when you look like he does--the world is your oyster. I couldn't keep my eyes off his thin and lean body moving around the stage.
Another high point of the show was that they focused on the older stuff. I think that is what everyone was hoping for. Wicked Garden, Plush, Sex type thing, creep, unglued,& dead and bloated were just some of the songs they played. I was a little bummed they didn't play Sin or Silvergun superman, which were some of my old favorites. Considering how many albums they have and how long they have been around I really think they did a great job on song selection. Thinking the concert would take my back to the Pet Shop Boys concert 3 years ago, which was just shameful and embarrassing. (They filled less than 1/4 of the arena and the props looked right out of '83) I was overly excited and impressed how amazing STP still is today. There wasn't a person in the arena who didn't sing along to every single song, or chant STP! STP! STP! in hopes of bringing them back for an encore. I felt like I was 16 again. Drooling over a man I would never meet, or ever get closer to than section C, row 10, seat 8. For split moment, I forgot that I was a mom pushing 30, and Scott Weiland was a washed up rock star recovering drug addict over 40. I couldn't have asked for a better night.
Stone Temple Pilots made their way through Phoenix Sunday. I must admit, I was taken back by the idea of them playing the State Fair. It is so beneath them, I couldn't rap my head around the idea of them playing such a low-class establishment, when we have funky venues, like the Celebrity Theatre around.
I instantly dragged my friend Shayna with me for a night of fun.
I was super excited to see them. I always loved them, and even went through a period of unhealthy obsession directed at Scott Weiland. I realized Sunday that I haven't moved on from that obsession, even at the seasoned age of 28. let's just say; no regrets on the 8th grade yearbook dedication "STP rules!"
There was no opening act, which I must say was refreshing. I hate being forced to sit through some washed up band playing some annoying ass song in the hopes that the band everyone really came to see would show up soon. Do you ever feel like the opening band in your life? Sometimes I do. I think, oh I know you don't want to deal with me, but the person you really want is tied up--so suck it up. Always second choice, or an afterthought. "What was her name again?" I would say being the opening band would sum up my daily work life.
Back to the show. Lights went out, music started, and there he was. Scott Weiland was sexy as ever, and I wanted to do things to him that would make Jenna Jamenson blush. God, how did I forget how hot he was? His crazy drunk guy dancing was even hot. How has he recycled through 2 wives? Beat me, cheat on me, go to rehab--when you look like he does--the world is your oyster. I couldn't keep my eyes off his thin and lean body moving around the stage.
Another high point of the show was that they focused on the older stuff. I think that is what everyone was hoping for. Wicked Garden, Plush, Sex type thing, creep, unglued,& dead and bloated were just some of the songs they played. I was a little bummed they didn't play Sin or Silvergun superman, which were some of my old favorites. Considering how many albums they have and how long they have been around I really think they did a great job on song selection. Thinking the concert would take my back to the Pet Shop Boys concert 3 years ago, which was just shameful and embarrassing. (They filled less than 1/4 of the arena and the props looked right out of '83) I was overly excited and impressed how amazing STP still is today. There wasn't a person in the arena who didn't sing along to every single song, or chant STP! STP! STP! in hopes of bringing them back for an encore. I felt like I was 16 again. Drooling over a man I would never meet, or ever get closer to than section C, row 10, seat 8. For split moment, I forgot that I was a mom pushing 30, and Scott Weiland was a washed up rock star recovering drug addict over 40. I couldn't have asked for a better night.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Who does that????
You all know how obsessed with true crime I tend to be. So of course when People magazine had the exclusive photos of Jaycee Dugard in this past week's issue, I just about shit myself. I have been glued to this story since the day they found her and her 2 girls. (For those of you who don't know who Jaycee Dugard is, you are a fucking idiot or live under a rock. She is the kidnap victim who was found 18 YEARS after her abduction living in a tent in the backyard of her kidnappers. Watch the news people.)
Anyway, back to my story. People released the issue Tuesday, and I had been meaning all week to snatch up a copy, but kept forgetting. Last night I sent my husband on a wild goose chase to get me a copy. He went to 4 stores, and all were sold out and stocking the October 19th issue. It is only the 16th, WTF?
FINALLY! He finds me a copy, and I am overly excited to sit down and look through the photos of Jaycee...then I noticed the article starts off really odd, like mid sentence. I look at the page number, and it says 61. Then I look to the page to the left and it is an advertisement, so I flip backwards. The last numbered page was 52, so I count, and it turns out the page to the left of my page 61, is page 56. Some asshole took 4 pages from my magazine, and OF COURSE it is from the Jaycee story. Motherfuckers!!!!!! Who does that? Who just takes pages out of a magazine in a bookstore!! It is $3.99, buy the motherfucker!! I was so pissed. I could barely control my anger. As a parent, there are very few moments in your life you have to yourself, to enjoy something that is just for you. My true crime shows, movies and news stories, are my ME time. Some fucktard robbed me of my ME moment.
FUCK YOU page stealer!!
Anyway, back to my story. People released the issue Tuesday, and I had been meaning all week to snatch up a copy, but kept forgetting. Last night I sent my husband on a wild goose chase to get me a copy. He went to 4 stores, and all were sold out and stocking the October 19th issue. It is only the 16th, WTF?
FINALLY! He finds me a copy, and I am overly excited to sit down and look through the photos of Jaycee...then I noticed the article starts off really odd, like mid sentence. I look at the page number, and it says 61. Then I look to the page to the left and it is an advertisement, so I flip backwards. The last numbered page was 52, so I count, and it turns out the page to the left of my page 61, is page 56. Some asshole took 4 pages from my magazine, and OF COURSE it is from the Jaycee story. Motherfuckers!!!!!! Who does that? Who just takes pages out of a magazine in a bookstore!! It is $3.99, buy the motherfucker!! I was so pissed. I could barely control my anger. As a parent, there are very few moments in your life you have to yourself, to enjoy something that is just for you. My true crime shows, movies and news stories, are my ME time. Some fucktard robbed me of my ME moment.
FUCK YOU page stealer!!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Modern Family
Who else noticed Ugly Betty was shifted to the Friday line up??
America better start hitting the street for a new role. Friday is the prime time graveyard.
I wish they would do something with her. What grown ass adult, who works at a Fashion magazine, dresses like that? Isn't it time we let little Betty grow up and blossom a little? Show a little boob and ass? Can't they remove the braces at least?
The 2 hour premiere is this Friday, I will keep my fingers crossed it is more inspiring than last season.
On a lighter note, I am loving the new show Modern Family. I just about died last night when 16 year old Hayley's boyfriend sang "I wanna do you" in front of the whole family. Catchy tune that was. I found myself humming "I wanna do you, like you wanna do me, do me, do you" all night while tapping my feet. Please tune in to this great show, so another awesome show doesn't jump the shark.
America better start hitting the street for a new role. Friday is the prime time graveyard.
I wish they would do something with her. What grown ass adult, who works at a Fashion magazine, dresses like that? Isn't it time we let little Betty grow up and blossom a little? Show a little boob and ass? Can't they remove the braces at least?
The 2 hour premiere is this Friday, I will keep my fingers crossed it is more inspiring than last season.
On a lighter note, I am loving the new show Modern Family. I just about died last night when 16 year old Hayley's boyfriend sang "I wanna do you" in front of the whole family. Catchy tune that was. I found myself humming "I wanna do you, like you wanna do me, do me, do you" all night while tapping my feet. Please tune in to this great show, so another awesome show doesn't jump the shark.
People are F* idiots
I just about died when I did my daily gossip check and saw the breaking news banner flashing on AOL. "6 year old boy missing:flies away in homemade balloon"
WTF? so I investigate and it appears so kooky family in Colorado built a saucer looking air balloon, in which the 6 yr old boy flew away in. Just to give you a gauge of this family, they appeared on the show Wife Swap. Classy people I am sure.
The Colorado police launched a all point search, including aircraft for the missing boy after the balloon landed empty. As a parent, I just about died when I was reading this article. I mean really, who does this shit.
The boy was eventually found, ALIVE, in the family's home. He was hiding in the attic. (someone starved for attention?)
I really hope this fucktard family gets charged hefty fines for this!
To read the article, click here.
WTF? so I investigate and it appears so kooky family in Colorado built a saucer looking air balloon, in which the 6 yr old boy flew away in. Just to give you a gauge of this family, they appeared on the show Wife Swap. Classy people I am sure.
The Colorado police launched a all point search, including aircraft for the missing boy after the balloon landed empty. As a parent, I just about died when I was reading this article. I mean really, who does this shit.
The boy was eventually found, ALIVE, in the family's home. He was hiding in the attic. (someone starved for attention?)
I really hope this fucktard family gets charged hefty fines for this!
To read the article, click here.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Bored to death
If you are going to call a show "Bored to Death" you should really go over and beyond on making it interesting. The title of the new HBO show Bored to Death, pretty much sums up how I feel when I am watching it.
I am super excited when Curb came back and thought I would give HBO's new show a try, and have been super disappointed. I had high hopes with such a great cast, Jason Schwartzman, Ted Danson and one of my favs Zach Galifianakis, but have been let down a big way. The same kind of let down when you go to Krispy Kreme wanting that HOT sign to be glowing in the night, only to find it off, and this mornings batch sitting out.
On the same note--I am bored to tears at work. My P.I.T.A. co-worker I blogged about a month ago, continues to be a total distraction and impossible to deal with. In this job market, my options are clearly limited and it makes me feel discouraged and uneasy. Like I am going to be 35 yrs old asking myself "where did my life go?"
I am super excited when Curb came back and thought I would give HBO's new show a try, and have been super disappointed. I had high hopes with such a great cast, Jason Schwartzman, Ted Danson and one of my favs Zach Galifianakis, but have been let down a big way. The same kind of let down when you go to Krispy Kreme wanting that HOT sign to be glowing in the night, only to find it off, and this mornings batch sitting out.
On the same note--I am bored to tears at work. My P.I.T.A. co-worker I blogged about a month ago, continues to be a total distraction and impossible to deal with. In this job market, my options are clearly limited and it makes me feel discouraged and uneasy. Like I am going to be 35 yrs old asking myself "where did my life go?"
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Let's talk TV bitches!
Ok, first off. I am super sorry for all of my typographical errors in my last posting. I was typing the post at work and I felt rushed, so I missed a few obvious things...Janice I know you are shaking your head right now..give me a break!
Ok, so PR is getting good. The week before last, I was slightly annoyed, and then this week I feared for my boyfriend's life. (talking about Christopher of course)
Yeah, so the outfits were a tad fugly, but he is an amazing designer, probably one of the top 2 this season, and I was shocked and annoyed they clumped him with that goth mess, Louise. I mean really--what was Epperson done this whole season? I don't get "vision" as a designer. It all looks like overdone Halloween costumes. And who knows how in the hell Louise stuck around so long...
So moving on...let's talk new Fall Shows.
I am loving Modern Family. Ted Bundy's character ( I can't remember his actual name ) cracks me up and totally reminds me of a phase my dad went through post-divorce from my mom. (minus the hot 30 yr old Latin wife) The whole cast is perfect. I feel robbed that I never had a fun gay brother. Anyone wanna trade? Mine isn't worth much, but I will trade if you want a change.
Parks and recreation. Ok, I know I hated this show last year, but it suddenly got good. Like out of no where. Like super funny. Maybe they hired new writers?
Castle. Since Life was cancelled, I found happiness in Castle. Same type of humor, and same type of overall feel. Slightly less interesting characters..but enough to keep this gal happy.
Cougar Town. I had VERY low expectations, but it pleasantly surprised me. I am not willing to admit any enjoyment out of this show right now, I am still in the introduction phase. I will update you on our relationship further down the season.
Ok, who watched Curb LAST week? The blow job episode? I was dying. Just dying. I love that the whole show was centered around blow jobs in the car. Now that is TV.
Due to the busy fall schedule, and my commitment to working out 4 evenings a week..I have had to make some cuts in my TV line up. One day you are in, and the next day you are out...
Some of the shows that have lost their life on my DVR settings are:
90210
Desperate Housewives
Grey's (i stopped watching last year, but really cut them off this)
Real Housewives of Hotlanta. I have not totally cut the ladies off, I dabble on the weekends if I have time.
Brothers and Sisters is on their way out...
I am not afraid to cut more if need be. Fall TV better watch their back!
Ok, so PR is getting good. The week before last, I was slightly annoyed, and then this week I feared for my boyfriend's life. (talking about Christopher of course)
Yeah, so the outfits were a tad fugly, but he is an amazing designer, probably one of the top 2 this season, and I was shocked and annoyed they clumped him with that goth mess, Louise. I mean really--what was Epperson done this whole season? I don't get "vision" as a designer. It all looks like overdone Halloween costumes. And who knows how in the hell Louise stuck around so long...
So moving on...let's talk new Fall Shows.
I am loving Modern Family. Ted Bundy's character ( I can't remember his actual name ) cracks me up and totally reminds me of a phase my dad went through post-divorce from my mom. (minus the hot 30 yr old Latin wife) The whole cast is perfect. I feel robbed that I never had a fun gay brother. Anyone wanna trade? Mine isn't worth much, but I will trade if you want a change.
Parks and recreation. Ok, I know I hated this show last year, but it suddenly got good. Like out of no where. Like super funny. Maybe they hired new writers?
Castle. Since Life was cancelled, I found happiness in Castle. Same type of humor, and same type of overall feel. Slightly less interesting characters..but enough to keep this gal happy.
Cougar Town. I had VERY low expectations, but it pleasantly surprised me. I am not willing to admit any enjoyment out of this show right now, I am still in the introduction phase. I will update you on our relationship further down the season.
Ok, who watched Curb LAST week? The blow job episode? I was dying. Just dying. I love that the whole show was centered around blow jobs in the car. Now that is TV.
Due to the busy fall schedule, and my commitment to working out 4 evenings a week..I have had to make some cuts in my TV line up. One day you are in, and the next day you are out...
Some of the shows that have lost their life on my DVR settings are:
90210
Desperate Housewives
Grey's (i stopped watching last year, but really cut them off this)
Real Housewives of Hotlanta. I have not totally cut the ladies off, I dabble on the weekends if I have time.
Brothers and Sisters is on their way out...
I am not afraid to cut more if need be. Fall TV better watch their back!
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